Everyone has trials

In the last month or two we had a lesson at church on trials. The teacher asked us to write down trials that we had in our lives. I ended up sitting there and thinking for a long time and not writing anything down. What did I honestly have to complain about. Yes, I felt like I had trials in my life. Dealing with a toddler is exhausting and I get frustrated way too easily. But when it came down to it, I felt that my trials were too small to complain about when I knew that most of the people in the room we're dealing with the same thing. There are people out there dealing with a death of a loved one, unemployment, sicknesses and the list could go on and on. And what do I have to complain about? That Alivia is throwing crayons all over the playroom or says mom a million times in a row when I am trying to eat my dinner because she needs me to take the empty plate off her tray right that second? (Yes, these examples of some things that annoyed me today). When it comes down to it though Abram has a good job, we just bought a house, and we have a healthy, very active little girl!

After being married for 7 years I guess it was time for a trial. Three weeks ago we went to the doctor expecting to see the first ultrasound of baby number 2. The appointment didn't go exactly as planned. The doctor told us that the baby had stopped growing a couple of weeks before that and they couldn't find a heartbeat. I was having a miscarriage. 

The next couple of days were a whirlwind of emotions. I would be fine one minute and crying the next. I couldn't pray without crying. It didn't matter if it was a prayer before Alivia's lunch or our family prayers before bed. I didn't feel like it was because I was angry at God or felt like he didn't care. It was because I have a hard time asking for help. For the first time in my life I really felt like I needed help and strength.

I am lucky to have amazing friends and family that gave words of encouragement and advice. They sent me notes in the mail, took me out to dinner, listened to me complain, offered to bring in meals or watch Livi, and brought me care packages. I have awesome in-laws who took care of Livi so I could rest most of our trip in Washington. And I'm lucky to have an amazing husband who is always there for me, even in the middle of the night when I couldn't stop crying.

I know that everything happens for a reason. I still have hard days but I'm working on finding how this can strengthen our family and not dwell on the unfairness, anger and all of the other negative feelings I could see so easily taking over me.

One of the biggest things that I have learned from this is that everyone has trials. It doesn't matter how big or small they are. Don't let yourself think that your trials are too small to have anyone care about. You don't have to go through it alone.